They say that awareness is the first step, right? 😬)įirstly, I’ll admit that in reading this book and the way that its chapters and categories are arranged, is the first time I have even truly become aware that our emotions live in grouped families. (I for one felt as though my happy little bubble of avoidant tendencies had been well and truly pierced by this section of the book. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run, but it will never make you less afraid. You want to feel comfortable, so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. It can hurt us, hurt other people and lead to increased and mounting anxiety. “Avoidance is not showing up and often spending a lot of energy zigzagging around and away from that thing that already feels like it’s consuming us. The research has shown that it is possible to build our ability to control our worrying, and when it does bubble up we are better to lean into it and explore it. “Those of us with a tendency to worry believe it is helpful for coping (it is not), believe it is uncontrollable (which means we don’t try to stop worrying), and try to suppress worry thoughts (which actually strengthens and reinforces worry).” Unfortunately, neither of these coping strategies is very effective.” - page 11 “Our anxiety often leads to one of two coping mechanisms: worry or avoidance. 😖 What are the two (maladaptive) coping strategies of Anxiety? It’s the most effective strategy we have available to get control again and feel better. So next time you are overwhelmed, give yourself time, permission and space to take ten minutes out. And the research shows there is only one way to come back from being overwhelmed and unable to function: The difference between being in the weeds and being blown and overwhelmed, is that in former state you can still function, in the latter you can’t. You’re expected back in ten minutes, ready to go, but for ten minutes, there’s a complete takeover.” - page 5 When you’re blown, you can either step outside or into the cooler or go to the bathroom (and cry). Normally someone runs to the hostess stand to find out what tables you’re running that shift-they don’t even assume you know at this point. 💥On the other hand if you went into the kitchen and said “I’m blown”, “The response would be, “What do you need?” I might say, “Can you take bread to tables 2 and 4, and re-tea tables 3 and 5, please?” 🌱If you walk into the kitchen and said “I’m in the weeds”, 💥“Being blown” meaning being overwhelmed. 🌱 “In the weeds” meaning being stressed, and 😳 What’s the difference between Stress and Overwhelm?īrené spent six years waiting tables while she was studying at university, and still uses two of the terms she learnt working in the restaurant business today:

Brene brown atlas of the heart